Grief- Price we pay for loving & Living

I wasn’t sure if I would ever write about this but today, I just found myself pouring my words on a paper, may be trying to reduce the intensity of my sadness.

In psychology they say, you should give 6 months for a person to process grief after a loss. If it still impacts your day-to-day functioning, seek help.

Its been more than 8 months since Dad passed on, I have been functional on the surface.

I did pat myself on the back, that what the ego does, but I am not sure if I have processed it completely.

Grief is like fingerprint, it is so unique for each one of us, there are days when I am top of my game and then suddenly, I would realize my eyes are moist although the cheeks are dry.

There are days when I am angry, angry that my dad could never see the vulnerable part of me n other days, I just reflect on his life and smile...what a man! what a journey

I lost my Mum 4 years ago and since that day, I could see my dad drifting off to a different space, engaged in the world just for the sake of his children but disengaged at heart

. He felt irrelevant as if the biggest purpose of his life and living is no longer there and he doesn’t see any reason to live on.

I could also see the grief in his eyes, this grief was different, grief of loss, grief of missing out in life, the unlived life .

He was my Mum’s caregiver for 17 years, we do not talk enough about the mental health of the caregivers, I feel, this is one of the most underrated mental health challenges we silently suffer

After Mum passed on, he lost his purpose of life. I saw the grief of losing out on life, the unlived life they both wanted to live. I saw that in my Mum’s eyes too when she was there.

Grief is the price we pay for being here in this world, for loving. It is truly the only emotion that makes us feel alive, that twitch in the heart and those tears tell us, our connections matter, we matter and all of this façade of the world matters.

It is a journey without a clear end, but with time and self-compassion, it can evolve from raw pain into something gentler, something that honors both the loss and the life that remains.

Grief will get hold of you when you expect the least, while we have spoken about the weight of this heavy emotion. I feel it's also necessary for me to share some of the practical steps I took to deal with my grief

1. Acknowledge and accept your feelings – feel the feeling, wholly, completely

2. Express yourself – Express yourself through anything that feels liberating for you, cooking, dancing, singing, gardening

3. Know you’re not alone – Grief may look very unique but it’s the essence of being human , know that and know, there are others in the same boat, somewhere

4. Try grief-focused meditation.

5. Create healthy boundaries – While everyone means well and try to offer support during these times, but every interaction may not be helpful for us, draw gentle but firm boundaries

6. Its okay to be not okay- Not being okay, not sleeping well, tearing up.. its all part of grieving, know that you are not stuck

7. Share and inspire – share your journey when you feel ready

8. Know that you will spiral from time to time and accept the journey.

   
   

   Grief is the price we pay for loving and living and its not a negative statement, its part of being alive and knowing that.

   I wish strength and a big hug anyone experiencing grief at the moment.

   
   

   PS: This picture is of my father's favorite flowers, 'Shiuli' in Bengali and night Jasmine in English.